I’ve been caught in a whirlpool of deadlines lately and I’m afraid that I’m not going to stay afloat.
I have several deadlines looming at work, Gary’s website to finish, my Halloween costume to finish, planning for our trip to New York, plus the usual laundry and friends and family to call that I’ve been neglecting. These are all due before the end of the month or sooner.
I find when I feel this overwhelmed the first thing I tend to do is remove myself from everyone. I don’t call family or friends because honestly I’m so wrapped up in my own crap that I can’t really focus on other people and I don’t want to burden them with what is going on with me. Then I tend to feel selfish and the guilt starts to weigh so heavily on me that I don’t contact them for even longer because I feel like a shitty friend/sister/daughter. It’s not a pretty downward spiral and it’s all I can do to claw my way out of it.
Last night Gary listened to me have a mini meltdown at 2:00 am because of all this pressure I feel. It was nice to have him just listen and hold me. We had a snit earlier because I was being a bitch and he called me on it. Frankly he was absolutely right. I love that we can tell each other when we are being a bitch/ass/whatever and then work our way through it so that two minutes later we are forgiven. That was one of my major problems in my earlier relationships was that I never felt secure enough to express my anger. I never wanted to cause any conflict or upset the waters. I can say, without a doubt, that that is no longer the case. I don’t let things sit and fester. If something is wrong I say something and so does Gary. We talk it out and we never go to bed without resolving an issue or telling the other person that you love them. You never know what might happen.
In other news I’m debating if I should go to a Tenacious D concert with Gary at the end of November. I don’t like Jack Black but I’ve never really given Tenacious D a real chance. We’ll see, if I bail he has someone else that wants to go. I do want to go and see Blue October on November 9th, they are playing a show at the Opera House. There is just enough vulnerability in his voice and his lyrics to touch me. I was going to say it makes me want to comfort him but I’m sure there are about a million 15 year old angst ridden girls in Texas that want to do the same thing and I didn’t want to be lumped into *that* category.
I should get back to work. The pile is getting larger and every minute I waste is another minute I have to stay later tonight. At least Gary won’t be waiting for me tonight, he’s going to be hanging out with Thor and the Rue Crew after Cinemacabre tonight. I’m not kidding.
